It’s hard to put how I’m feeling into words.

Excited (seeing family)

Scared (expectations and fear of getting judged)

Sorrow (that this visit will be missing one very key person, my father). Dad, I can’t believe you’re gone. I can’t believe you won’t be there to welcome me home and ply me with peanuts. I’m just so sad that you’re gone. I want to rage against the world. Why you? Why did it have to be you? Why now?